By: Marcy

Marcy — Mon, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

After commenting on your FB post the other day, I realized I’d never read Chua’s original article in the WSJ. So I looked it up…and could not read past the first few paragraphs. I had such a strong emotional reaction to what she had written. "Nothing is fun until you’re good at it"? How very sad to honestly believe that to be true! I cannot imagine being that type of parent, or being raised by one. Interestingly, from many stories I’ve heard I think my grandparents were at least partially "tiger parents" (as Zach pointed out to me, go to any little league or HS football game and you’ll see plenty of "tiger dads", it is clearly a parenting style that’s alive and well here in the western world as well). One infamous story I’ve heard told over & over was of my uncle who had his heart set on going to Rutgers law school, but my grandparents were against it- so they hid his acceptance letter and told him he didn’t get in. My mother and her siblings do hold great love & admiration towards their parents…but there is also, mixed with it, a bitter resentment born from the (even well-intentioned) hyper-controlling behavior.Interestingly, I am also now reading a book by Alfie Kohn which points out all the research showing why the super-controlling method of patenting is in many ways damaging and counter-productive. I feel sad for children raised this way.

By: Kathryn Besser

Kathryn Besser — Mon, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Marcy, I felt the same way reading the article… at first. And I didn’t actually think I’d read the book, though it was recommended to me by several friends. But reading it from a mostly dispassionate perspective gave me the chance to take a fresh look at my own parenting style. We all feel that, "hey, at least I’m not as bad as she is…" when reading something as extreme and polarizing. But I did walk away feeling I can toughen up even more (and I think I’m pretty strict already) and my kids will be better for it, not worse. I keep going back to how I was raised: fairly strictly and with high expectations. I turned out to be very self-motivated, a hard worker, etc. Wanting the same for my kids makes me realize it’s OK to amp up the expectations as they get older (maybe even slightly higher than experts consider age appropriate). I don’t think it’s OK to live a pressure cooker, too many extracurriculars-at-once lifestyle, but I do think it’s alright to push my kids to excel from time to time. I see it as a subtle difference from my current MO, not a radical shift.

Comments on: book report: battle hymn/tiger mother

By: Marcy

By: Kathryn Besser