raising sociable kids… a few ideas

We attended an amazing wedding this past weekend (our friends, Jeff and Nancy). Watching our 11 and 13-year old boys teach a toddler to play frisbee or converse comfortably with adults reminded me of some great advice we received many years ago… teach your kids how to be social by (frequently) being social yourself. From the get go, we’ve taken our boys out into the world and helped them learn interpersonal skills by example and constant, constant repetition.

You may be asking: why recommend so much socializing for babies and toddlers? Shouldn’t they be kept home, away from germs, commotion and such? My personal opinion is “no”.

Unless someone has an obvious illness, I think most people are ok to be around a small baby. The day-to-day germs found on my husband and me were most likely found on everyone around us thus we didn’t worry about who held our kids or for how long (I was thrilled to see my girlfriends be the same way with their little ones – everyone at the wedding had fun holding the adorable babies).

The upside to all the extra handling is that babies do get used to it, as much as their temperments allow, of course (translation: introverted personalities may take longer or have limited success). Our sons are both extreme extroverts so it came rather easily to us.

And by never rushing home for a naptime, we gave our children the opportunity to develop rock solid sleeping skills. Dane even slept through ‘Men in Black’ when he was a few weeks old and that is one LOUD movie (please note we did not have a babysitter in Belgium and were desperate for English dialog for a change). This has come in handy over the years as we have not always had beds to sleep in ourselves!

Since becoming parents, we’ve maintained a very busy social life: dining out, traveling and having friends over. And we almost always push our children to adjust to the situation, NOT the other way around.

It takes a lot of patience, perseverance and will power but the payoff is incredible. From my perspective, Dane and Tate are comfortable with everyone they meet or wherever we go. Their flexibility and adaptability is such a source of pleasure for us, too.

When new parents, or future parents, ask me what we did, I tell them we had no “normal” (i.e. no fixed schedule) and folded our children into the way we really lived. We went all over and took our kids with us. We let them sleep when they needed to sleep (wherever that happened to be) and waded in a constant stream of new experiences and new people. The mid-way result? Two very sociable children.

P.S. We don’t have surly teens yet so I’ll revisit this subject in a few years to see if their excessive sociability still stands!